WELL ENDOWED

April 5, 2022

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to congratulate you on behalf of Harvard University for acceptance of your undergraduate application to enroll this coming year. As you know, Harvard University has been known for our high standards in the application process and our dedication to academic excellence. We were very impressed by both your academic record and future promise. Please fill out the enclosed acceptance form and return it to us no later than the 1st day of May.

You should look forward to four years of academic study and individual growth, as well as an eternity of monetary solicitations. Almost immediately upon graduation we intend to barrage you with daily envelopes and emails in our institutional pursuit of an ever-greater endowment. Whether your years after graduation are filled with bullion or balloons bursting, we will come after you and all other graduates with equal determination. Of course, not everyone will find his or her name on a building or rear end bussed at a Manhattan cocktail party by busy deans on break. Rest assured though that your money will always be good here.

Please make a mental note now that if you graduate with more than one hundred thousand dollars in outstanding student loan debt, you should not worry if you don’t hear from us right away as no solicitations will be made in the first month after graduation.

Yours sincerely,

John Doe, Admissions Department